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Tips when Broadcasting from Public Venue

Live Show

We love it when StreetJelly musicians broadcast their public performances.  But it takes a little extra care to produce a decent show.  Below are three main areas to consider when setting up a successful streaming event.

WiFi

Biggest thing to remember, not all wireless internet, WiFi, is created equal.  In fact, public WiFi is notoriously slow in many venues.  The local wireless router at a club or coffee house is usually dialed down to prevent any one person, or group of people, from hogging up the entire bandwidth.  Most small WiFi routers just can’t handle everyone camping out at a table, sipping coffee, and watching YouTubes all day long.  A slow internet connection will cause your StreetJelly video to be choppy or freeze, and make your sound cut out often.

What to do?

  • Test, test, test.  Go to the venue ahead of time and test their WiFi connection.  Make sure their internet is fast enough to broadcast and receive video.  Also, test during peak times when there are a lot of people in the building.  Everyone of you will be competing for the same bandwidth.  Use the StreetJelly broadcast-testing page to analyze how well you can broadcast.
  • Talk with the venue owners.  For one, you should already have permission to broadcast from their location, right?  Many times, a venue will have another password-protected WiFi network they use for themselves.  Ask if they have a second fast and reliable connection to the internet you can use.  They will probably be happy to help as you certainly can help promote the local venue in your show.  “Come on down, it’s Happy Hour at the best pizza joint in town.”
  • Another option, bring your own WiFi.  Most cellphone carriers offer 4g Hotspot or MiFi devices.  These work great and almost always guarantee a very strong internet connection (unless you are way out in the boonies).  But beware, this is expensive and data charges can add up quickly.  Most data plans ($50-80/mth) often limit 5 to 10 gigs of data transfer per month.  A typical one-hour streaming broadcast can use up to 1 gig of data transfer.  The penalty fees can be outrageous if you go over your limit.

Sound

Just as important as a good internet connection is your sound.  (I love stating the obvious.)  However, getting a public performance to stream well over the internet is much different than streaming from your living room.  We try to make StreetJelly as easy as possible to broadcast from home – a typical guitar player / singer can do well with a simple USB microphone like the Snowball or Meteor podcast-style mics.  Being in public, however, you are most likely using a lot more equipment to get a good and loud sound in the venue.  You cannot rely on your computer’s mic to pick up that sound well to broadcast upstream.  You will need a way to get the sound out of your equipment into your computer.  Most built-in computer mics, and even the better USB mics, can only pick up sound within 10 feet or less.  In a large room, even with high volume, these mics will pull in a dull and muddy sound.  Folks are tempted to turn up the input levels, but only to find they pick up more ambient noise (people talking, dishes clanging) with no improvement to their music.

What to do?

  • Do not use the built-in mic on your computer – never for a public broadcast.
  • Only use a USB podcast-style mic in a small intimate setting, like a coffee house, with very little background noise.
  • Use the output from your mixer to feed directly into your laptop.  An external device that can mix your sound and produce a single source to your computer works best.  Here’s an example of a “mini-mixer” device, the Alesis MultiMix 4-Channel USB Mixer.  It does a good job and is very easy to set up.  (Please note: we mention these products only for your convenience.  There are many similar products out there.  If you have used any to success, tell us below in the comments.)
  • Test at home.  It could be hard to test your full setup ahead of time at a nightclub, so best to get the feel of everything at home first.  Try your garage or wide open basement.  That will best simulate the horrible bouncing conditions you may encounter in a restaurant or club.  Set up your mic, amp, mixer, everything.  Jam as loud as you would in public.  Then test broadcast on StreetJelly’s test page and have a friend help confirm your sound settings.

Overall Package

Performing live to a public crowd, large or small, is not the same as broadcasting and chit-chatting on StreetJelly from your couch.  To think you can “throw up a webcam” at your next open-mic and hope everything is good enough; will be very disappointing.  At best, you will get the “webcam in the corner” affect on StreetJelly.  You’ve all seen this a hundred times.  A band is “streaming live” at some club – but the show is terribly boring as you only see the one tiny cam image from somewhere in the club’s rafters, and the musicians never looking into the camera.  StreetJelly viewers will get bored and not stay long …and not tip much, either.

What to do?

  • Frame yourself in the camera as best as you can, and as close as you can.
  • Remember you are performing for two audiences; the one in front of you and the one on StreetJelly.  Talk to both parties.  Even a simple acknowledgement can make all the difference.  Part of your skill as an entertainer is “working the crowd.”  Do it.
  • Get a friend to man your StreetJelly chat.  If you can not have your laptop close to you on stage, get a friend to chat for you.  The StreetJelly viewers will understand if you can’t read, type, and perform all at the same time.  But having a friend by your side to answer questions, tell everyone the name of the venue, the songs you are playing, etc., will translate into a nice experience for all those online  …and hopefully more tips!

Final thoughts.  As much as you practice your vocal range, picking skills, and songwriting ability; performing in front of an audience is also part of your craft.  Work it, practice it, and perfect it.

Any musicians with experience streaming from a public location? Please add your insights below in the comments.

Finger Picking Madness By Damian Trujillo

Special guest blog by Damian Trujillo

Damian TrujilloFinger Picking Madness By Damian Trujillo

Introduction:  Thanks to Frank Podlaha, creator of Street Jelly. This live streaming music site has been an inspiration to myself on many different levels. Oh, let me count the ways …although there are too many ways to count: Jayro from Dublin inspired my version of Black Magic Woman by Santana, Remy de Larouque from New York inspired my version of Skinny Love by Bon Iver, Quint Williams from NY does a great version of June Apple, Ben Brady sings classic country from the heart, others make me want to sing better, Image and Family (Merv, Amanda, Robert) bring light hearted sailors songs with a splash of pirates from the past to life, Kurt Van Hook kills it with great lyrics and heartfelt melody, Sue Rarick with folksy voice and great guitar. The list can go on and on, so be sure take a listen for many great artists on Street Jelly.

Now on with the Finger Picking Madness. When I started playing guitar at the ripe old age of 22 (1992), I was convinced that a guitar pick was the way to go. So my training began. I was able to control the pick after about 5 years of practice. Yes 5 years, I did not have a natural gift for music other then I liked it. So I started playing local clubs, weddings, churches, funerals, on the street, dude ranches, etc. Even though I pretty much sucked, I was able to make enough money to at least keep this serious hobby alive.

I was a cover tune king, garage band junkie, but quietly and always in the back room out of site, I was writing my own tunes and lyrics. In 1998, I finally recorded my own acoustic CD – Shining Through in Alamosa Colorado. You can give it a listen sometime at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/trujillo . At this time I was still using a guitar pick and I thought I was pretty good at it, yes delusional, but sooner or later you manifest what you think. So be careful of what you think.

From 1998 to 2008, I worked on several musical projects, started a recording studio, lost a lot of money and time, and then everything came to a screeching halt. I actually sold all my musical equipment and stopped playing music until October 2012. I lost all my direction and I forgot why I was doing music in the first place. Oh, but this is not the end of this journey. During this hiatus I did build a custom Stratocaster, and to this date I have never plugged it in. I started the build in January of 2012 and finished it in December 2012. Crazy I know.

In October of 2012 my brother invites me down Colorado to play in the Colgate Country Showdown. At this time, I do not own even an acoustic guitar, just a custom electric guitar and a ukulele I bought for one of my kids. I went down to Colorado and my brother had an acoustic guitar for me to play. Now this guitar was hard to play, like a fence post with piano strings. My fingers were screaming for mercy since I haven’t even played a guitar in years. Ouch.

Damian and GrandchildWhile I was in Colorado practicing for the country showdown I was able to listen to a few bands in the area. One particular was a bluegrass band from the east coast, do not recall their name, but they were great and they gave me an idea to start a new project. This project is called Two Roads.

I get back to Wyoming at the end of October 2012, by the first week of November 2012 I have written 12 bluegrass tunes on the ukulele. I need to buy an acoustic guitar to move my project forward. I am brain storming at this time, my mind is in a musical flurry. I hear music around every corner, I think music, I feel music. Now I have to spend money to restock my equipment to play music again. At the same time I am surfing the web, looking for online musical outlets. I was led to Street Jelly and joined the site around the end of November 2012. During this flurry I am thinking hard, that is where the finger picking madness begins. I have never been a finger picker but I need to try.

I start researching vids online about finger picking. Oh mercy! I try and I try to no avail. My fingers will not work and I cannot understand the concept of the Travis pick. I am feeling musically retarded (lack of better words). I watch and listen to hundreds of videos online closely without result. I feel sad and hopeless, like I am an old dog that cannot be taught new tricks. I need to finger pick. I actually give up after several hundred hours of trying. High expectations indeed. Yes, I live this way.

Damian Two Roads

Damian – Two Roads

By the first of December I am done with finger picking madness. I quit. Two days go by since I came to the conclusion that I cannot finger pick. Then, I sit down quietly with my guitar in my hands and BAM! I start finger picking without even thinking about it. It is almost as if I have been doing it all my life. Almost natural. In the meanwhile, I begin playing some music on Street Jelly which is a great venue for me to get this current project out to the public. I struggle with online sound for a bit (about 40 shows) and still do from time to time, but Street Jelly inspires me to press on and to never give up. My finger picking skills are developed with new music and Street Jelly shows in real time, live and online. To boldly go where no man has gone before, to seek out brave new humans to listen to music, and live with fellow artists on the wonderful world of Street Jelly. A little dramatic to say the least, but so very true in my mind.

So here I am today. I have received many compliments from listeners and viewers via Street Jelly on my finger picking skills. Several folks have been inspired by my Two Roads musical project in many ways. Inspired in ways hard to imagine. Some inspired by the musical content, some inspired by the sound, some inspired by my finger picking madness. I thank you all because I am also inspired – by you. The moral of this story: never ever give up, you can do whatever you put your mind to no matter your age. Be well on your fantastical journey and I will see you on the Street Jelly. Damian

http://www.streetjelly.com/Damian

Landon With a Cold

Special guest blog by Clifton Printy

sick woman singerLandon With a Cold

As fall descends on StreetJelly I am reminded of the now infamous article about the legendary Frank Sinatra. “Frank Sinatra Has a Cold” in Esquire Magazine April, 1966 written by Gay Talese. It’s not really the article I am citing though, just that wonderful title.

The incomparable Random Landon was playing live via our StreetJelly internet stream with the rattley scratchy throat of a man with a serious sinus infection. It is an addiction, a compulsive narcissistic driven desire to play that one song that will get the listener off the couch and clicking clappies in the chat.

I, too, have played the StreetJelly show with a hoarse and raw throat, and have even witnessed the newest “Big Deal” pin awardee singing show tunes on the edge of laryngitis. Oh to reminisce into the days of last December as “bumS_lie” coughs out a few songs to keep his one hundred midnight show streak alive.

If Picasso had no paint, or Samuel Langhorne Clemens had no pen, would they still perform? I think so. They, being driven by that desire to reach out and touch someone else, ever so briefly, would be compelled to paint with eggs. Perhaps even write with charcoal. The art endows the artist to a point of total obedience to the art. I am a StreetJelly performer.

With a box of decongestant in one hand and a package of Kleenex in the other, I set up the webcam. While plugging in the microphone and adjusting levels, I stop by the mirror to make sure my mustache is free and clear. Finally, I take one last moment to survey the degree of my sinus headache. Deciding it was Ibuprofen worthy, I have a pill and a glass of water and push the broadcast button.

But, be cautious my StreetJelly Friends, a sinus problem can make your singing life miserable. Conditions like allergies and sinus infections cause the tissue in the throat and larynx to swell. This condition will eventually lead to hoarseness. If severe symptoms are present, it is time for a medical professional. Treating with mild antihistamines and / or decongestant can help. You made need to use anti-drying medications with an antihistamine, such as Entex. Hydrating medications may also help to combat dry atmospheric conditions. Please don’t abuse your throat. Constant misuse of the Larynx may cause laryngitis short term and polyps long term. Just take care of yourselves, tips are waiting to be had. No worries, www.StreetJelly.com is not going anywhere.

For some more information you could consult this article.
http://www.voiceteacher.com/mathis.html

Just like Old Frankie Blue-eyes and the guys at the Lucky Strike, the show will go on. Be safe and be Super Great.

Year One in the Books

Happy First Year Anniversary, StreetJelly!

Jellypalooza Cake…and what a year it has been.  StreetJelly.com is a year old now.  We’ve come a long way from our “opening night,” learned a lot, made a ton of new friends, and mostly importantly had a whole lot of fun watching live music on webcam from phenomenal musicians.  Here are some quick stats from our first year:

  • 26,000 visitors came to the site 95,000 times
  • ½ million page hits
  • 250,000 minutes of streaming video, 4,200 hours
  • 5,900 musicial performances
  • 700 musicians joined StreetJelly
  • 81,095 tokens tipped to musicians, $13,000.

Timeline Highlights

August 15th, 2012 – web site launched.

August 17th, 2012 – First performance by Teo_Doro.

The First Two Weeks – The following famous SJ musicians found and joined the site: JerseyJB (day 5), MountainMelodies (day 7), Miea (day 9).

Big Deal Rocker PinDecember 26th, 2012 – First Big Deal rocker pin (500 tokens) tipped to Image and Family.  It’s an exclusive club – just ask Clifty, or Merv!

New Year’s Eve 2012 – Rang in the New Year with live performances and Auld Lang Syne for each five U.S. time zones.

February 2013bumS_lie completes 100 Midnight Shows in a row.

February 26-28, 2013 – StreetJelly participates and sponsors the first Virtual Music Conference hosted by IndieConnect in Nashville, TN.Marriage Proposal Jelly Style

April 6th, 2013Merv proposes marriage to Amanda live during their show.  Very sneaky, Amanda was totally surprised.  Watch the YouTube video.

April 13th, 2013 – First StreetJelly Meetup in Nashville, TN to celebrate the Flyer Contest, draw the contest winners, and meet local Jelly Musicians in person.
King Haggis
April 27th, 2013 – The Haggis Challenge, ’nuff said.

April 30th, 2013 – 100 Song music marathon by JerseyJB.  514 minutes, 8½ hours of continuous jamming by one musician on The Jelly!  Jersey wasn’t seen for days after that.

June 2013 – Radio advertising campaign blitz in Nashville market. (Buy me a beer sometime and I’ll tell you how that went.  Oy!  ~frankie)

July 2013 – StreetJelly’s first Singer Songwriter Contest.  62 entries, 10 Semi-finalists, Second Place Winner: Third Prong, First Place: Scott ThomasClifty Play Behind Back

August 3rd, 2013Clifton Printy performs his 450th broadcast.

August 17th, 2013Scott Thomas gets married and performs as the band for his own wedding …and streams live on StreetJelly!

Jellypalooza
August 18th, 2013 – Jellypalooza Online Music Festival!  StreetJelly celebrates its one-year anniversary with the first ever truly Online Live Streaming Music Festival.  12 hours straight of continuous multiple streaming musicians.  All the great Jelly Fish were there performing: Jayro, Maestro, Damian, Ben, Mountain Melodies, Life and Times, Image and Family, Clifty, Kurt, Jersey, and many more.  The wonderful Jelly Musicians also secretly conspired to present Frank Podlaha, a.k.a. Frankie, founder of StreetJelly, with a commemorative plaque.

StreetJelly One Year Anniversay

“What a year it has been!  We could never have imagined how successful, and how much fun StreetJelly has become.  And thank you to ALL the folks that helped so hard in making this the best live streaming music site on the ‘net!”  ~frankie

Singer Songwriter Contest Thank You

StreetJelly Singer Songwriter Contest – Summer 2013
The Winner Is…   Scott Thomas, Paper Moon

A heart felt Thank You from Scott Thomas…

His winning song, Paper Moon.

And don’t forget our 2nd Place Winner:
Third Prong, Time Machine

The runner up Finalists!
Joshua Belliardo, Many reasons
Damian Trujillo, BYEBYE
Life and Times, Starfish
Meadow Ryann, A Girl’s Advice (The Xbox Song)
ChrisJ (Dan Pirchner), Hypnotized
Joey McGowan , Samantha
Nash Rambler, St. Johns’ River Line
(click artist for SJ profile, click song for YouTube vid)

It was a lot of fun for everyone involved in the contest. Many thanks go out to all the judges, all that voted, and especially ALL the musicians that worked so hard on their original songs, posted videos, and encouraged each other. Here is the complete list of entries.

Sonya Jevette, How You Gonna
Sonya Jevette, Whenever you’re Around
Sonya Jevette, My Dreams
Michael Whitehead, Feels This Way
Meadow Ryann, A Girl’s Advice (The Xbox Song)
Scott Thomas, Paper Moon
Scott Thomas, Any Other Way
Scott Thomas, Lay You Down
Life and Times (Dave Wesley), Rebecca
Life and Times (Dave Wesley), Starfish
ChrisJ (Dan Pirchner), Paper Heart
ChrisJ (Dan Pirchner), Show
ChrisJ (Dan Pirchner), Hypnotized
Mark and Mary King, I Remember
Mark Allan Jensen, Joanna’s Song
Meia Borden, Complicated
Damian Trujillo, One Gate
Joe Morin, Dad-D Blues
Damian Trujillo, Hell Or Highwater
Chuck Foster, America’s Colors: Red,White and Blue
Chuck Foster, I’ve Got a Tie Dye Heart
Chuck Foster, Naked to the World
7000feetintheair, My Bone
Chris Langer, Woody’s Demise
Damian Trujillo, BYEBYE
Ricky Manwell, 550lb Loving Machine
Ricky Manwell, Let’s Pretend
Cecilee Linke, I Don’t Write Love Songs
Cecilee Linke, Island Girl
Cecilee Linke, Out Of My Depth
Joe Collins, Not Worth My Time
Meadow Ryann, All Night Long
John Perks, Sandcastles
Sue Rarick, Long Legs – Short Skirt
Sue Rarick, Another Thank You
Sue Rarick, Street Corner Blues
Colin Williams, One life to live
Joey McGowan , Samantha
Morgan Bosman, Just Let Go
Nash Rambler, Gonna Have a Good Time
Nash Rambler, St. Johns’ River Line
Nash Rambler, I Got Mine
John Perks, Broken
Robbie Hancock, As Good As Gold
Robbie Hancock, Love In The World
Joshua Belliardo, Many reasons
Joshua Belliardo, I’m in love
Joshua Belliardo, Butterflies

Top 20 Countdown – Bleh

InspirationThe other day I was flipping through the cable TV channels and settled on a Top 20 Music Countdown show.  I was so underwhelmed!

After watching this countdown show for about an hour (I didn’t last the full two hours), it made me start to wonder what was so mediocre about it.

Then it hit me, I wasn’t entertained.  The music, the videos, the try-too-hard-to-make-a-cool-video camera angles were so uninspiring.  The passion didn’t come through from the artists.  I couldn’t help but comparing the videos to the over sensationalized local news “stories.”  You know them well, you watch them every evening.  The local-beat reporter spends around 60 seconds on a bit.  They stretch a 10 second statement of the actual news fact into a superfluous series of one-liners and sound bites.  Worse, the video is almost always a series of 3 second clips.  Watch it next time, on each new camera angle count to the three!  These music videos were the same way.  Lame.

Most of you that know me understand that I’m not a ranting type of guy; I don’t care for politics, controversy, and especially cynicism.  Who am I to say what is “wrong with the world today” or even just the music industry?  But I want to tell you what I witnessed on StreetJelly in the past six months that blows away pop culture music.  Nothing speaks better through music than the passion of a live and intimate performance.

Yes, I am very biased toward SJ.  But it’s true, I’ve never been able to experience so much love in music since we launched the website last fall.  I actually feel sorry for the mainstream consumer being fed their formulaic music videos.  They are really missing out on the art of music.

~Frankie, the Founder (a.k.a. King) of StreetJelly

What would you change if you made a music video today?

Singer Songwriter Contest – Tips and Suggestions

Attention Artists! Submit your ORIGINAL song to the StreetJelly “Singer Songwriter Contest” for a chance at prizes, industry recognition, and the opportunity to present your song to publishers. Create a video of yourself performing your original song, and the StreetJelly community will vote on the winners.

Music Contest WinnerHello Ladies and Jellymen, Frankie here!  You all know we’re having the songwriter’s contest.  Let me tell you a little more how we’re handling the submissions, what the judges are looking for, and what to expect from viewer voting.

We have a panel of six judges.  They include musicians, music teachers, music industry experts, and …well, me!  The judges will be picking ten finalists.  The StreetJelly community will then get to vote for their favorite from the ten finalists.

The judges will all be using a form rating sheet to assign points to various categories.  We’ll use these scores to fairly and consistently rank the Top 10.  Here are the categories:

  • Structure – Segments, components, length, and arrangement.  (10 points)
  • Melody – Is it pleasing to the ear?  (10 points)
  • Dynamic – The use of musical rise, fall, sustain, staccato to bring the listener “somewhere.”  (10 points)
  • Lyrics – meaningful words that make you think.  (10 points)
  • The Hook – Is it stuck in your head later?  (10 points)
  • Rhythm and Rhyme Scheme – The groove, the phrasing, the poetics and the feel of the song.  (10 points)
  • Overall Likability – This is the subjective feeling for the judge.  How well do you like it.  (40 points)

So when you submit your original songs, or anytime you write a song, keep all this in mind.  But you already know this.  Let me make a suggestion about the videos.  It’s perfectly fine to submit us a video you already have on YouTube.  (Btw, we want your link to your YouTube channel so you get the benefit of all the new viewer counts.)  Feel free, however, to make a new video and talk a little before and / or after your performance about the song.  You will make a better impression about your song by explaining the lyrics, the story behind it, the day you wrote it, whatever.

This is a great tip not only for the contest, but anytime you upload an original song video to YouTube.  Unless you have the fan-base of The Bieb, chances are few people will find your video and watch it for its merit.  But some people will find and watch the video out of curiosity.  You have a short opportunity to make a lasting impression about your song.

We all like art more when we make a connection with an artist.  Think about it, how many times have you watched a DVD movie that was only average?  But after you watched all the behind-the-scene extras and actor interviews that come with the DVD; you somehow liked the movie more.  Same thing works with music.  We like songs better when we like the musician.  Even taking 10 or 15 seconds to introduce yourself and your song makes a favorable impression on the viewer (and judges).  Makes them feel welcomed.

Ok, you get the idea:  being personable will help in the judging round, AND it will really help in the voting round.  The viewers and fans on StreetJelly will vote most exclusively by likability.  I hate to say a lot of this sounds like marketing, but it is.  However, marketing is a big part in becoming a successful singer songwriter!  Best of luck to everyone entering the contest, we can’t wait to hear …and see, all your songs.

 

Fix Crackle Bubble Noise with Older Version of Flash

Support Topic:  Sound Issues, Install older version of Adobe Flash

Scenario:  Viewers are saying there is a cracking or bubbling distortion in your sound, and you have Adobe Flash 11.7 installed.

Discovery: We’ve found that some musicians produce a crackling or bubbling digital distortion when using a dynamic type mic. These are usually the traditional music store microphones.  Musicians may not be aware of the distortion unless they are told by the viewers or listen closely from the StreetJelly test_broadcast page. The problem seems to have started with the latest version of Flash 11.7. It doesn’t work well with older sound/microphone drivers. The distortion was fixed by a number of our musicians by installing an older version of Flash.  Version 10.3 is a good version to use.

Note: DO NOT USE Flash versions prior 10.3.  They are incompatible with StreetJelly.

Before you get started: Check your version of flash.
http://helpx.adobe.com/flash-player/kb/find-version-flash-player.html

Uninstall Flash 11.7:
http://helpx.adobe.com/flash-player/kb/uninstall-flash-player-windows.html

Download and Install Archived version of Flash:  Choose Flash 10.3
http://helpx.adobe.com/flash-player/kb/archived-flash-player-versions.html

Direct link to Flash 10.3:
http://download.macromedia.com/pub/flashplayer/installers/archive/fp_10.3.183.90_archive.zip
This zip file contains all the different versions of Flash 10.3. You will run the .exe file for your specific computer (Win, Mac, Linux, etc). Instructions are included in the README.TXT file.

Final Thoughts: With an older version of Flash, remember not to automatically choose to upgrade to the latest version of Flash. Adobe will most likely popup notifications for a later version. Just ignore those.

Still have questions? Ask them below, or contact us at support@streetjelly.com.

Book Review: Jarimi Hugaerm by Clifton Printy

Special guest blog by Kurt Van Hook from Vermont, USA.  Kurt reviews the science fiction novel by our very own StreetJelly blues guitarist Clifton Printy.

“By the light of the purple sciant orb” A review of Jarimi Hugaerm by Clifton Printy

Jarimi HugaermClifton Printy’s energetic noir phantasmagoria, the winner of this year’s Street Jelly Fiction Award, crackles with original ideas.

The title refers to a young prisoner of war, who finds himself possessed of boatloads of magical power, or sciant, which may or may not allow him to bed (scare off) a beautiful, super-model-slash-witch, and save (destroy) the world in the process.

Following an unexplained underground event, a trio of doomed immortals emerges from their subterranean crypt to find out what’s been doing on the surface for the last millennium. The reader is then taken on a whirlwind tour of nightmarish dungeons, cult circles and herb farms.

Without giving too much away, let this reviewer simply suggest that the ending roughly parallels one that would emerge should, let’s say, there were to be a head on collision between cars driven by the lead characters of Pynchon’s “Gravity’s Rainbow” , Wallace’s “Infinite Jest” and Heller’s “Catch-22”. Then, imagine that the survivors of that horrific crash were to somehow pilot a plane to a deserted island and were soon joined by the cast and crew of “Game of Thrones”. After a marathon, double-elimination bocce tournament, and a tequila fueled, all-night, blow-out of a party celebrating the bocce champion, everybody suddenly stops  what they are doing at precisely 7:00am and quietly reflect with gratitude on all that has transpired in the past year. Everybody, that is, except the guy who plays Robb Stark, who is still blindly pissed off and angry that his character was killed off at the fucking “red” fucking “wedding”.

Jarimi Hugaerm is required reading for all denizens of the Jelly Street. Be put on notice, SJ’ers, you will be tested.  Available on amazon.com.