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Jelly, the New Drug

Special guest blog by Pat Marr, North Carolina, USA

Jelly DealerBreaking News!

Interpol is on the lookout for the global distributor of a new but highly addictive substance called STREETJELLY. The mastermind appears to be a deceptively congenial programmer named Frank Podlaha ( AKA “Frankie” or “The King” by his minions on the STREET)

He has single-handedly constructed an elaborate system which enables performers to connect with audiences ANYWHERE ON THE PLANET! At first look, this seems innocent enough… but now, health care providers around the world are reporting an epidemic of symptoms that indicate a new addictive substance has been unleashed.

Symptoms include the following:

  1. the irresistible urge to play music on StreetJelly until 5 am even though you know you have to get up for work in the morning
  2. the inability to get through a ten-minute period without checking StreetJelly to see if somebody new started playing since the last time you checked.
  3. cashing in the 401k to buy tokens
  4. sweaty palms and shaky legs unless you’re sitting at the computer watching StreetJelly
  5. playing hooky from school, work or other important responsibilities in order to get your StreetJelly Fix
  6. the realization that the only time you experience true euphoria is when performing on or watching StreetJelly


If you have any of these symptoms, don’t bother reporting it because there is no cure. Your best bet is to surrender and enjoy the euphoria.

PS: it’s not illegal (YET)… but federal agents say it’s more fun than a lot of things that ARE illegal. Your call.

Posted under: Guest Blogs, Random Thoughts

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  • Pat Marr on December 7, 2013 at 3:02 pm said:

    Heyyy… Is the guy in the cartoon using tokens to buy the forbidden fruit flavored jelly??

  • Pat Marr on December 11, 2013 at 11:47 am said:


    7) checking StreetJelly 80 times a day to see if anybody commented on your blog

    BJ Thomas had it right in “Hooked on a Feeling” when he said “I don’t need a cure… I’ll just stay addicted and hope I can endure”

  • Pat Marr on December 11, 2013 at 11:56 am said:


    8) you’re so addicted you can’t even log off and propose to your girlfriend privately…. so you propose between songs on streetjelly!

    mild________________/_ scary

  • Pat Marr on December 11, 2013 at 12:10 pm said:


    9) its 2 am and the show you were watching just ended. You’re burned out and desperately need to sleep… but then you notice Clifty is playing his usual late nite show.

    “oh, it will be OK because i’ll just greet everybody, listen to 1 or 2 songs then go to bed. ”

    you stay for the duration of the show, BEG Clifty not to quit, tip him to play one more song, then after he stops playing you hang out in the chat window for another hour cutting up with whatever other addict is still there and can’t leave either. When the other person finally scrapes you off their shoe and leaves, you hang around another hour just in case somebody from another time zone weighs in. You wake up in the morning in front of the computer.

    Don’t ask how I know this.

  • Pat Marr on December 11, 2013 at 12:14 pm said:


    10) you make a list of all the friends you’ve hung out with in the last 6 months… and ALL of the names are from StreetJelly

  • Pat Marr on December 11, 2013 at 12:17 pm said:


    11) you start carrying flash cards with SJ smileys on them because you can’t remember any of the old responses anymore. At work, when somebody has a good idea, you flash them the clappy smiley.

  • Here’s one I know you’ll recognize: whenever you hear a song is over, anywhere in the world: the radio, you tube, the elevator, your iPod… you instinctively reach over to click for clappys!

  • Pat Marr on December 11, 2013 at 12:31 pm said:

    You MIGHT be an SJ addict if……

    1) you have your own personal smiley
    2) somebody from every continent has heard you perform
    3) you have spent more than $100 for gear or accessories that can’t be used anywhere else except StreetJelly
    4) _____________ <-put your addition here

  • Pat Marr on December 11, 2013 at 12:36 pm said:

    LoL Frankie!
    um.. how did you know that???
    (Never mind, I probably don’t want to dig that deep…)

  • Pat Marr on December 11, 2013 at 12:42 pm said:

    You MIGHT be an SJ addict if.. (continued)

    4) your cable bill is smaller than your monthly token budget

    5) you’ve earned enough busking tips to buy a car

    6) you refuse to lug 800 pounds of gear to play live for a roomful of local people when you could be performing live to a global audience without schlepping any gear at all

    7) ______________ <- your turn

  • Pat Marr on December 11, 2013 at 12:48 pm said:

    You MIGHT be an SJ addict if.. (continued)

    7) you’ve ever had the legs sawed off a voodoo doll of yourself

    8) ________________ <– payback goes here

  • Pat Marr on December 11, 2013 at 12:58 pm said:

    You MIGHT be an SJ addict if.. (continued)

    8) you not only know the names of every person in your audience, you also know their kids’ names, their spouse’s name, their occupation etc etc

    9) and you’ve never met any of them, because they all live in other states, countries or continents

  • Pat Marr on December 11, 2013 at 1:01 pm said:

    LOL! Frankie!

    you ain’t RIGHT, dude! You just ain’t RIGHT!
    (N. Carolina-style compliment)

  • Pat Marr on December 21, 2013 at 11:57 am said:

    You MIGHT be an SJ addict if….

    You join a 12 step plan to help you quit SJ and get your life back… but the only thing you quit is the 12 step plan!